Wednesday, November 30, 2005

The art of slowing

Ortberg says Love and hurrying are mutually incompatible. That hurry can destroy us. So, it seems the thing to do is enter into a practice of waiting patiently and doing, or better yet, being slowly. My pace and list fight against this, but oh the hope.

Yet, how indeed can I just cut things and tasks from my list without retribution? How does one truly go about prioritizing and deleting those things deemed less worthy of my time. Do less. Any yet practice a little solitude and the

I feel

It's critical for my soul, for shalom, for future, and for joy. To pause long enough to feel the rthymn of the world, which moves at the pace it moves before humanity attempted its jet paced life, breaking the speed of sound, and creating instant worldwide communication.
Leave behind. I see how it begins now.
Drive in the slow line, get in the long line, smile at the cute kid, watch the sun set.
Take the time
to smell


Sunday, November 27, 2005

My parents were visiting and I took them to Muir woods. And oh the beauty God has given us. He didn't create on all purpose plant, He created millions of species for us to enjoy. He loves us so much. So here's some of that beauty. The earth displays His majesty for all to see.

Sunday, October 23, 2005


Okay so this is the coolest thing I saw online Sunday.
San Francisco in Jello I think firstly, she had way too much time on her hands and secondly, it brings a whole new area of jello projects to my brain.

Happy day.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Porcupine Ponderings

Been reading a bit of John Ortberg lately and writing lots. He wrote on community and accepting people for who they are, where they are. Open arms and no hidden agendas, no walls. Frost's writes, "Good fences make good neighbours," Tom Jones, writes "There must always be a wall." Song after song cry out for someone anyone to fill some space, yet we push away from intimacy. Ortberg tells a story about porcupine love.

dancing together
loving the other
fragility entranced
intimacy unmatched

I get it. I most certainly have the head knowledge to see the parallels aligned the human predicament. Yet I wonder, how much to risk in relationship.

But is there more to gain
Love never lies, love never leaves
Yes there is more to gain
When you don't know where to begin
And love is there in the end

Yes in the end, it is the relationships,
the love from people that matter,
that's what matters.
So then, what is the matter
Why can't we see

We hesitate to engage, to invest, to risk, when there is nothing more desperately needed than the mutual acceptance another human can provide. We fail to adequately prioritize relationships when they are the essential foundation of human health.

invest in the people
step o'er the line
I'll say it again
you'll do just fine
Don't wait too late
'Til you're in the pine

Sunday, October 9, 2005

I was tagged.

Okay Kim this blogs for you. ninjanun

10 years ago: 1995 Second semester of college. Not too interesting. Wrote a 10 page paper on the justifications of William the conqueror conquering England. I love English History.

5 years ago:2000 hmm... I think I was teaching 7th and 8th grade math and science, but it might have been 6th grade this year. Some of it blends together. Either way, I came to enjoy parts of math. I loved teaching science.

1 year ago: Same school, same room, different classes, different roommate. Actually this time last year I was knee deep in mid-terms and doing to much while sleeping too little. I was overstressed and and am glad I have since simplified even if I haven't slowed down.

Yesterday: 2nd Saturday art group day. I love being immersed in a group of artists who are supportive and genuine. Then I worked at the Bucks and had a rather enjoyable, though extremely long shift.

5 snacks I enjoy: Ice Cream, Dark Chocolate, Fresh raspberries, Home Made Chocolate Chip Cookies, Edamame.

5 songs I know all the words to: Probably no songs. I'm terrible with words. But nearly all the words well...Where you Lead- Carol King, The Love of God- From Here to There, One girl Revolution- Superchick, Mood Rings- Reliant K, Come, The Heart of Worship

5 things I do with 100 million dollars: Pay every debt I owe, buy a decent car, give money to my church and school(maybe they could repair our dorm roof), pay off my brother and parent's houses, invest wisely.

5 places I'd run away to: England, LA, France, South Africa, India

5 things I'd never wear: indecent clothing intentionally, shoes too small for my feet, rabbit fur sweater (allergic to rabbit), binding clothing, red turtlenecks.

5 favorite TV shows: Boy Meets World, Stargate SG-1, Gilmore Girls, Seeing that I rarely even watch these three anymore I really can't think of two more. I just have little TV time.

5 favorite toys: Computer, Tennis Racket, Paints, Camera, Cardstock.

Okay Kim I've done it. This took 40 minutes. I'm not passing it on.

Monday, September 19, 2005

From Here to There

So this a plug for a band including a former college roommate. From Here to There>
I finally picked up their full length album, which is freakin' awesome. Seriously, I bought it because well, I love Kim and The Bathroom Chronicles, is from 1998, so I didn't have some of the new music. However I've been blown away by not only my love for the CD, but the comments I've had from people who don't know her at all. Sadly, I cannot introduce them to the life FHTT version, because we are states away, though how does a West Coast tour look? I know some Bay Area connections...
Anyway, "You can Have my Heart" is especially beautiful, as is my beloved The Love of God. Really if you like local bands, here is one that you should check out. They run on my MP3 with Dave Mathews and ColdPlay. So that's it, I'm in love with a band and they are too way far away.
While I'm plugging bands try these on for speed.

<.A Night at the Pictures>

<.Darci Cash>

Okay done for now, you can return to your regularily sceduled music.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Water logged

Feelings weigh me down
Struggling to swim
Trying to stay afloat
Yet drowning within
Hard to overcome
Troubles from deep down
Needing more strength
Deeper Still
I plummet down
Drowning,slipping away
Yet I am found
Hands grab hold
I cling to the hope
Misery capsized
eternities sea

Wrote this Monday evening. I like it, though it might need additional polishing.

Monday, September 5, 2005

The Spirit of Discipline

Okay so I read chapter one today and am still digesting the immensity of what Dallas Willard is writing. If you want to be challenged to live more authentically as Christ lived in and out day and night in the mundane and the challenging this book is going to rock your work in a whole new way. And the great part is it's not just some guy rambling on his beliefs, he brings truth from the text, discusses it's truth and shares other scholarly thoughts. Such as Oswald Chambers, who said “The Sermon on the Mount is not a set of principles to be obeyed apart from the identification with Jesus Christ. The Sermon on the Mount is a statement of the life we will live when the Holy Spirit is getting his way with us(Spirit of Disciplines p. 8).” I am challenged to transform my daily walk into a full following of Christ. I encourage the serious to give Willard's book a try.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Do Lobsters Dream?

12-13 and reflection

I woke Friday to utter exhaustion. I dug down deep and asked God for strength to enjoy my day because I knew I certainly did not have any of my own strength left. He provided abundantly. Repeatedly that day I was the cheerleader, the inspirer, the one who revved the group up. Veggie tales, Disney songs, 80’s hits, whatever I could think to sing sprung from my lips in between whoops and encouragement. I was filled with joy and it flooded through me until I woke Monday morning. There is something utterly amazing about the strength God provides when there is no other. It lasts as long as it is needed and spreads like a wildfire in the August heat. The car ride home from the last day of work was rowdy and invigorating. Rather than vamping down from day four of construction work, we leapt from our van and spread our excitement to the other 4 vehicles of high school students. The joy of the Lord was our strength.

Saturday Night I was sitting at the Johnston’s house in the Riverside suburbs on the softest greenest grass I’ve set on in years, and it was there that I reentered the US emotionally. Sitting there with the white picket fence (though Jason said it wasn’t a picket fence at all.) and the grass on Obadiah the dog, with the street lamps and the lightened night sky from city lights, I had an epiphany. I realized how much I desire that kind of life. I guess in a way I see the veneer of the Johnstons and the beautiful symphony of their interactions without the dress rehearsals up the last decades of their family. Yet I see something there that could be me. I would be content to dwell in a simple house, with green grass and the dog. Not extraordinary, not famous, or world changing. I desire to be a one people at a time changer. So here I was processing the suburbs and mexico, and the interrelated pasts and futures I behold in my mind, and the tears streamed down my face. I was joyful and sad, happy and overwhelmed. It was Obi and I immersed in some remembrance of summer nights in Pomona, all tangled in some future I desire to have.

One real challenge was accepting the deference given to me by the 7 men on the event. On the trip down I was van 2, of 6 vehicles. That makes it very hard to be lost. In fact I spent a good deal of the trip following the grey suburban. Yet a few days into the trip my own pride got in the way and I started questioning motives. It seems silly to some, but I find it difficult to accept genuine deference. My mind plays games with itself and twists the sincerity into less quality implications. My stubborn nature rears its ugly head and I fight to accept what intellectually I know is sincerity.

So here I am looking back to the week and realizing how amazing deference can be. Really I believe I was overwhelmed a bit by the regard shown to me. Yet I am thankful for being forced to accept it, being in Mexico and having no other options. It was a growth experience. Accepting help, deference, assistance, whatever one may call it, is a practice of living in community. Thinking upon it I think accepting help is in some ways harder than trying to go it alone. Leaning into the community is not simple. Rather it is humbling, and greatly rewarding. In a community different talents and skills are available and to not use them is to deny the fullness of living in community. You would think this is clear, but when it requires one to lessen self and accept the superiority of another’s skills it isn’t easy. Nevertheless, it is a critical aspect of truly living in community.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

More Mexico


Wednesday morning Dr. J's voice was the first thing I heard. Then I heard the roosters, of course. However, I think Dr. J's voice was the first thing I heard. In fact it woke me, but not in an annoying way. It reminds me of my own father’s voice. I haven’t heard dad’s voice in a bit, but I felt distinctly certain of the similarity between their voices. It was a comforting sound. I keep waking up refreshed and ready for another day, which was amazing since I was sleeping very little. God sustains.

The roof building was something I had not planned on doing and then suddenly I was sitting atop a giant wooden two by four monkey bars. Seven feet in the air I’m squaring the roof beams, hammering them to wall tops and loving every minute. The view of the city was clear and the sky was an amazing color of blue that seemed somehow lighter than the California sky.

Wednesday night Jeremiah spoke on using verses as a prayer. He told of his time at camp and the last few verses in Isaiah 40, reminding God that he is our strength. “I will run and not grow weary” Psalms 119:57 is meaningful to me. I hold fast to the verses and decided that they would be my prayer. “The Lord is my portion.” The next day I think I reminded my self that God was my portion and strength a dozen times. It was with that verse that I leaned on God, over and over again. It was a very exhausting Thursday, but I made it through the day with those verses.

Thursday is also the day I finally allowed those around me to envelope me into the their community. After all those Tuesday tears I leaned on God and he opened my eyes to the opportunity I had surrounding me. What an amazing group of high school students. I have no idea the impact I had on their lives, but I can truly feel the impact they had, and are continuing to have on my life.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Mexico started hard.

I went with Amor Ministries? to build hope the through house and relationship building in Tijauna Mexico. And the more I reflect, the more lessons I see in the trip. So here are the first three days. It's a mixture of journal and post trip reflection arranged chronologically.


We drove to Riverside Sunday and the into the Tijuana area on Monday. The border crossing seemed anti-climactic but the view of Mexico as we drove to camp was an unforgettable welcome to Mexico. Houses constructed out of siding, cardboard, scrap lumber, doors, recycled wood, cement blocks, paneling and anything else that could serve as walls went into Mexican Housing construction. Each house was a montage of miscellaneous material. Many hillsides looked full of precariously balanced houses constructed of mismatched wood scraps. Then randomly I’d see ranches that looked like they could be across the border. In between these two types of dwellings were these communities of identical little houses. There were rows and rows of small neat houses in a line. Tiny houses the size of two dorm rooms in huge communities that echoed mass production. It reminded me of reduced income housing or military duplexes, but smaller.

We arrived at camp, which was dusty and comprised of rock hard ground near the row of port-a-potty’s, and set up out tents, tarps and fire circle. I was exhausted and though excited and ready to work, I was beginning to realize this week was not going to be easy. The ground was so hard it broke plastic stakes. Finally we all settled into a dinner and then our evening worship. Jeremiah gave his talk and then we started trying to head to beds. My van’s alarm started blaring. I’ve since learned that the back side door doesn’t lock with the clicker. As I struggled to turn off the alarm, I broke into tears. I was tired, frustrated, and had a long week to look forward to. It was only Monday and I was not a happy camper. Calming down I went to my tent that I shared with 5 teenage girls. And slept or at least tried to sleep. It was not exactly a peaceful night.

Tuesday morning the roosters woke me up with their distant calls. How could I have ever imagined waking up pleasantly to echoes of roosters throughout the valley calling to each other announcing the dawn. That first morning at 5:30 am I crept out into the dawn, dusks early morning counterpart. It is the time of day when light has arrived before its friend the sun who sleeps in just a bit longer before peeking over the hills. The camp was peaceful with a few early risers meandering to port-a-potties, lounging in chairs, reading the Bible, dwelling peacefully before out days work ahead.

Tuesday’s drive through the town to the job site was an experience to remember. There are often no lanes and cars flow quickly forward avoiding the excessive amount of potholes and each other and they attempt to get to their destination. The local drivers were kind of intimidating. I knew I could not lose the suburban (the car I followed most of the week), but conditions certainly did not make that an easy task.

Arriving on job site I was encouraged by the excitement of the team. We had a long day of laughter and cement mixing. Pouring Paul and his accents kept buckets of sand and cement mixture coming up the hill. Ryan’s consistent turns at mixing the concrete kept the concrete slab growing. Chelsea’s water pushing to keep us hydrated. I think I drank a gallon of water on site that day. It was as if the water poured out of my pores.

I was looking at the all the children today and wondering how they must feel. Imagine 18 strangers arriving at your house who don’t speak your language and begin construction work all over the yard. The back yard has people making a cement slab. The front yard has people sawing lumber. Even the street has people cut and hammering. They must have had some feelings. Looking back I wish I could have captured more time with the kids in Mexico. Not knowing the language left me extremely shy around the children. Being task focused created a desire to keep working on the house, leaving the relationships to those more so inclined. I was a little terrified of communication with the children and it was easier to just smile and continue hammering.

Tuesday evening I attempted to shower, but really just managed to soak myself with the 2 and ½ gallons of water allowed per showerer. My hair felt worse as it dried, but at least I felt cleaner. Dinner was good, I was hungry, but then I was so tired and felt so alone. I had argued with Ryan on the way home over stupid stuff really. I was frustrated with myself. In my journal I wrote, “Tired and life not going as plans are. Am I ever going to overcome this burden.” Then I continued journaling during worship. I sat on the back of our 15 foot truck and cried to God. My journal said, “I feel scared and alone. This is much bigger than me. Oh God be my comforter and friend, Be my Yeshua, my King. Hold me tight. I need you I want you. I’m tired of the loneliness in which I am dwelling. I’m afraid of being left alone. Stay with me, abide with me so much more than to guide me.” I asked God why was here what was His purpose for me in Mexico? It was really the rock again, which yes I still have. Maybe I'm waiting for a clear sign that I can be free of the rock. I knew Tuesday evening it was not time for the rock to go.

Then Jeremiah began his talk and he spoke of Job, “Why are you doing this to me?” It was spoken only minutes after my questions to God I although it was not an answer, it was an affirmation of God’s hand in my life.

The thing is I was surrounded by a community of people who were open hearted and welcoming, but all I wanted that night was my dorm community, the dorm girls who love on me and I love on in return. It was not the people who knew my inner most and I felt I had no one to turn too, No one that knew I was hurting. Intellectually, I knew I was fooling myself. I knew if I would let them, they would embrace me, but those lies on the tapes Satan replays in my head echoed loudly. Your just an adult, you're not really part of the group. My heart ached and I knew I was falling right into Satan's snare. He wanted me to feel alone and rejected. I was not alone or rejected, rather I had pushed myself away from the community which I needed to dwell in.

Yet the truth is sometimes we are without a tangible community and all there is God. He is our shield and our comforter. He is the reason our community works. Without him there is nothing and I learned in Mexico to lean on God for my strength, to cry out to him for comfort, For my portion when I can’t carry on, when I feel the next step might break me, when I feel I might scream at the next nail that bends on me. This is one of my ends and beginnings. it seems I've leaned on community first and God second. I am ready to lean on God first and community second.

Friday, August 19, 2005


Seriously this cracked me up, then I thought anout its implications and it was a little less funny. It has a back link to the earlier article too. Even a Wikipedia page, which Is probably my most favorite information site.
Just thought I'd share.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Mexico part one

I'm back. There are so mnay thoughts running through my head I think it looks like the LA highway system. Seriously, emotions are just below the surface level and scrambling faster than eggs on steroids, whatever that would look like. I'm feeling rather tired today as it was my first day back to Starbucks. I'm still very much a coffee drinker, and glad to not make do with instant granules anymore to aquire my daily caffeine. Mexico was a time of beginnings and ends, which I will share later this week. I know God is ever present. I know this last week changed my perspective on many levels. I've already cried four times since returning to the California. more to come...

Wednesday, August 3, 2005

The Rock ends

My rock lessons have continued the entire summer (see June 21 and 22) I have carried this rock throughout northern California. So now the summer is ending and we are encouraged to dump our rock in the ocean as a symbol the vastness of GOd's grace and strength in comparison with our burden. I have not done this yet. I was not ready on Sunday, but I am now. I have defined my need to have less control over situations, and allow for flexibility and change. I have made a practice of going with the flow in various situations and not letting ambiguity get me tense. I know that though I have a long way to go, I don;t need the tangible rock. It is God who all summer has quietly whispered in my ear and He will continue to guide me. Therefore my rock is on the way to the ocean.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

The forced internet fast.

So I had a rough week early July. Sun July 10th was the cake topper. My hard drive died. Finit! With that I dissappear from the internet and loose my CD player in one final swoop. Now here I am weeks later, Back online and valuing such things as map quest, and wireless internet much more than before.

Mexico! Looking forward to manual labor in the hot hot sun. I'm gonna drink lots of fluids and weld a hammer.

Yep headed there in a little over a week. 6 adults 28 senoir high students, two houses, 8 days. Priceless.

Friday, July 8, 2005

Feet O'Mine

Fill me Lord
Send me on my way
May I live for you
May you light my way

Guide me Lord
That paths may be right
Following you
Not straying left nor right

Lead me Lord
Through the roads I will go
Filled with you
Sharing the truth as I go.



Lately, I've had little that was bloggable. In fact, other that rant worthy events, my life has held no fascinating anecdotes. So, true to my new rantless goal, I have remained silent. Today however, I was reading haikus and came across one that struck deep down to my soul's strings. Being from Western Washington I miss my mountain, Mt. Rainier was an ever present part of the southeastern Sky. Clear days are proclaimed by stating, "the mountain is out today." Locals need not name our infamous friend. Even on cloudy days, which we have a lot of, we know the mountain remains to the Southeast, and will maybe peak through.

Locals where I now live judge clear days by a variety of things whether one can see the mountain (which is really a large hill), the bridge (one of them anyway), or the city (which isn't always visible due to it's own fog even on clear days in my area). It's not the same, but at least the views are beautiful and the sky is frequently blue.

Anyways the Haiku is by Bashu and translates as:

Misty rain
can't see Fuji

I imagine Fuji, the mountain, is used as a clear day reference in Japan. Now as I dwell in Marin and can see the city and the bridge, though not the mountain, I continue to enjoy Bashu and blue skies.

green is the grass
Birds playing joyfully
canvas of blue.

That's my own poem. And I know it's not strictly a Haiku.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

three words.

I challenged a friend to tell me three words that describe me.

Seattle- Starbucks Mariners Mt. Rainier, He thinks Seattle when he thinks me.
Focused- He says when I am passionate about something I'm hard to stop, when I am in groups I am task orientated.
Learner- He says I value learning, teaching, pursuit of knowledge.

I found the explanation quite accurate.
So, then what would I choose as three words to describe me?
Learner- I like this one, I love learning things myself and helping others learn
Joyful- I have so much fun playing, laughing, being childlike though not childish, looking on the bright side etc.
Timely- I like efficiency, I don't like tardiness, I'm usually 5-10 minutes early everywhere, and I plan out tasks to accomplish them within a reasonable timeframe.

Okay now your turn What are three words to describe you?

rock lessons continue

Wednesday: Inconvenience is how I would describe my rock today. First forgot it on the way to class and had to go back for the rock. I considered leaving it at home, but as I was going to leadership ministry, I felt necessary to retrieve my rock. During class, we had a group project, one of the members challenged me to go with the flow. My rock, my flo, sitting in my pocket, and here is some one with no knowledge of my burden speaking the truth of my growth need. I am making it a practice in the group this week of going with the flow. In the Evening at the baseball game, I tentatively took my rock with me, thinking is it okay to take a nice sized rock to SBC stadium? It set quietly in my bag, which was heavier because of the rock.

Thursday: I have a bruise from the rock in my pocket. Burdens are painful. I want to get rid of my rock. Throw it off the bridge I walk daily. The week is almost half over. I am however remembering to relax.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

The rock in my pocket.

It is a burden, both tangible and figurative. It stems from an object lesson on Sunday. I began carrying it not because I wanted to, but because if the students were going to, I knew I ought to or I'd have to share that next Sunday. I'd carried a marble and a rock before with the same lesson. Surely I'd learned it and would just be going through the motions. Yet, God moves in mysterious ways. See my reflection from the first three days of the Rock in my pocket.

Sunday: I am trying to decide just what specific burden my rock would represent. Jeremiah said it is not good enough for it just to represent burdens, we must personalize it by naming our burden. My rock represents my need to not let structure, rigidity, and unflexibility reign in my life. While structure, rules, and plans are important aspects of life, they are not the sum of life. When I am flexible and practice the art of going with the flow, I have such an enjoyable time. Disneyland- fun time, family camp with Joanna- fun time. So, why do I have so much trouble relaxing, and letting things just be as they may. I think this is what my rock should represent.

Monday: The rock is heavy. I carried it all through work today in my pocket. It weighs on my and I wonder if it will bruise me. Do I really need to carry my rock on the hike? No, I think it can stay with my cell phone, in the car. With Jason I am flexible, he leads, I follow, wherever the wind may take us. I often wonder how far in advance his brain plans. spontaneity seems to come natural to him. I plan and list and structure nearly everything.

Tuesday: They rock is still with me. I'm starting to feel the metaphor on a deeper level. The physical burden in my pocket has become part of my life. I know that they weight is there. I have begun to compensate for it, working around it, taking it out and sitting it in front of me while I type, carrying it down the hall to check mail, wearing pockets to accomodate for it's small potato sized mass. I think we do this with the internal burdens. We carry them until they appear comfortable. We get used to the figurative limp. We adjust our schedules and paths to compensate for the burden. After a while the burden is integrated into our life so intricately, that we have a hard time releasing it. Will I miss my rock come Sunday?

Ode to fauxturtle a true loyalist.

Okay, so I was surfing blogs and found a whole blog dedicated to my beloved baseball team and then I posted and earned an entire post devoted to me. It was thoroughly enjoyable and if one is a Mariner's fan, the entire sight is thoroughly enjoyable. Check it out.

Mariner's Ode

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Installation prompts action

Okay so I own a drill, It's a black and Decker and I asked for it as a Birthday gift few years back as I was tired of traipsing across town with my father's drill every couple months for my random project and installation needs. Anyway, now it sits high in cupboard with a broken charger. This has been its status since August. Poor drill. I've turned down many requests for help because my drill is current the little drill that couldn't. Yesterday my dear friend needed some light installation help, and having concluded we would need a drill, I realized while borrowing one would be could for me, I really needed to either remedy my broken drill situation or get rid of my broken drill. So to eBay I have gone and hopefully I will soon acquire a charger. For traipsing across campus to borrow a drill when I own one is silly, and keeping useless stuff is also silly. Finally I act upon a plan that has rumbled in my brain for nearly a year. Indeed, we did borrow the drill, bore the holes, screw in the screws and now dear friend has a light in her room where before there was none. How's that for an accomplishing day. I feel victorious.

Now if I can just finish book three... Leading in Times of Change. Which by the way is only 20 pages from completion, and a great book if you come into a leadership position that has been recently vacated. I picked it for it's length and yet I think I'll keep the title in my file for referring back to when I slide into a recently vacated leadership position. Okay off to read 20 pages before work... : )

Monday, June 13, 2005


Highly under rated. I challenge all to spend an extra hour in rest this week, two if you can. Just be for a couple hours. Don't try to accomplish anything on your to-do list, clean house, work on job stuff, or all those other things. Try napping, taking a bubble bath, vegging in the sun or shade, reading a book for pure enjoyment's sake, listening to God, music, or silence, watching the ducks swim... you get the idea. Most people I know do not rest enough, but I tried about four hours of this Saturday afternoon and wow, rejuvenating.

So there's the challenge for this week.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Creativity wanes and other meanderings...

Right now I feel a bit empty on the creativity. Maybe it is the post 15 hour semester, or the heat, but I just cannot think of related activities for my youth lessons. I mean I can figure out that Judah is a great example of disobedience in Genesis 37, but I desire to bring in more than lecture and discussion. Anyone have ideas of activities?

On another note can I say how blessed I am to be living in one of the most gorgeous places I have ever known. Literally beautiful majestic scenery at every turn. I am amazed consistently about how intricate God;s design is. He could have created one tree to serve the purpose of trees or one kind of flower, but instead he created plethoras of vegetation to dwell amongst. The diversity of plants is astounding. I am truly blessed.

Wednesday, June 8, 2005

created a quiz

Okay for those of you who know me beyond cyber land Icreated a quiz. It is 10 little questions about me. What is your turtle power? My Quiz . Yes for those who wonder I am procrastinating. An I only have 1 and 1/2 chapters left in the book I planned on finishing today.

Quote for the day:

"When leaders believe anything is possible, their followers will come to believe that too."


I finished reading Unlearning Church and wrote my five pages. For those who are curious the book was nicely written, but not overly revolutionary. I believe that genre of books is a bit flooded. I'm now flying through Spiritual Leadership by the Blackabys. I'm feeling less resentful to the course with one book finshed and one books almost half way read. I even painted a lovely response to Unlearning Church which I am planing on attatching to the review/essay.

I went to the library as a money saving option to pick up an optional book and returned with a pile of hopeful books from the library. The only location more dangerous to bookish me is a bookstore, because they charge me to take books home. I think I must find the public library to suppliment my book list. The seminary library lack in fiction, though rightly so, and since Paradise Lost was read in Jan-term break I think I will attempt some more contemporary texts. I picked up God in Search of Man by Heschel. Though the fact that it was his largest book on the shelf nearly convienced me to try a shorter one first. I'll let all know how that book turns out.

Apparently I have become recently interested in Philosophy. Abraham Joshua Heschel's book is subtitled a Philosophy of Judaism. I read Bonhoeffer's letters from prison, Keirkegaard's book on faith, and some Heidegger essays in the last few months. The thing is I hated my college philosophy class. It was my poorest grade. I think back to Dr. Wester days and wonder if it was the proffesser, the time (8 am), the age of me, or something else that caused such dislike, when I now willingly have philosophical dialogues.

So, back to the ducklings for all those wondering what this has to do with my title, I was rushing from reading at the park to meeting with my pastor when I saw a mama duck and seven ducklings swimming in a fountain. Oh for my digital camera. This was not any fountain. It was a fountain in the middle of the road. I wonder how she managed to get her ducklings to the fountain across three lanes of traffic and how she got them back safely to the side of the road. The conclusive I prefer is the man on the bicycle spontaneously directing traffic away from the crossing duck family. REgardless of the precarious life of a duckling they created a smile on my face and still do as they swam peacefully amidst the afternoon communters and soccer moms, though I think currently it is mostly lacrosse and baseball.

Saturday, June 4, 2005

Summer altered.

SO here I was looking forward to a great summer filled with work of course, but also Latin studies and work on my huge pile of desired authors and texts to read, when I find information on a prerequisite for my fall Field Education class. No worries, how much time can a summer school class really take. After the J-term class was fairly easy. Then, the dreaded Syllabus arrived. There is a tremendous amount of work and all my summer fun has been pushed off to the 26th of June. Maybe I can squeeze a little Latin chapter in, but as for reading it will first be the two required texts as well as an additional choice text.

Nonetheless, as I read Micheal Slaughter's book I find myself stirred by his passion. As of chapter 6, I've read nothing new or unknown. However he reaffirms beliefs I have and inspires action upon those beliefs. Here's one gem "A lot of Jesus' followers try to get through life on a pass-fail basis, at a deep level we don't enjoy mediocrity." There is a desire in my deepest parts to soar with eagles, but as Carl Sandburg would say, sometimes wallowing with hippos is easier. I wonder what would really happen is I started living authentically, where I was an unshattered reflection, Not scattered shards of glass attempting to make my own way in life, but rather a whole person fulfilling my greater purpose.

Suffice to say one book part way down. Knowing I will get through the class and I that will glean something applicable from the subject, I'm dealing with the changes to my summer in step.
July is books, Latin, sunshine, and of course Starbucks.

Thursday, June 2, 2005

Okay Music survey why not.

Total volume of music files on my computer :
5.4 GB on WM player. I wonder if that is excessive?

Last CD I purchased:
Dave Matthews Band- Stand Up

Song Playing Right Now :
The Love of God- Mercy Me

5 Songs that I listen to a lot :
Beck-Girl from Guero
Darci Cash- Faithful cynic from In The Company of Stangers
Chris Tomlin- Indescribable from Arrving
Blue Kazoos- Sky Breaks Open
Stacie Orrico- Genuine from Genuine

Goats on the hillside near the President's house. Posted by Hello

The goats have arrived.

Annually my school rents a goat herd to graze and in essence mow the super steep areas of campus. They have arrives and it amazes me. A herd of goats chilling out in the middle of town right next to the baseball field, right next to chapel hill. It is bit indescribable. So I'm attempting to upload an image. For those ex-students you'll appreciate the reminder and for you others well, it's pretty fun.

Thursday, May 5, 2005

still running

I ran again today. God is good. I ran in the coolness of the day, while the sun is out, but the clouds and the gentle breeze keep the heat from overwhelming this novice runner. Summer is on the way and the fragrences which fill the air rewarded my route choice. A floral potpourri filled my senses. The bay's waters were smooth and enjoyed by a group of fishing ducks. It was a good day for a run. Tommorrow I will be sore, but today I am well rewarded.

Wednesday, May 4, 2005


Running is a common excersice on my campus. People appear to continually go on runs. I have been saying I do not run for months. Yet for some bizarre reason, I decided to run first thing monday morning. It was not as bad as I had always envsioned. In fact all monday I was quite proud of my accomplishment, but Tuesday morning, the pain the pain. Now I remember running equals pain where I didn;t know I had muscles. Does it get easier? I'm not sure I plan on finding out.

Friday, April 8, 2005

Papacy Funeral, historic, but not exciting at 2 am...

So here I was at 2 am in the morning one hour into the longest funeral I have ever witnessed and I begin to feel real sorry for all the dignitaries who were sitting in the Vatican April heat. They looked a bit warm in their suits and formal wear. Now, the pageantry was an interesting aspect, the simplicity of the coffin, was surprising, and the amazing amount of world leaders from around the globe crossing ethnicities and religions, was a statement of the former pope's world influence. The event was historic, but after an hour of listening to people I did not know speak languages I did not understand, I decided my bed looked better than finishing the funeral. So, I doubt I will forget this late hour event as George W sat by Iranian and Syrian leaders, and leaders paid their respects to the man from humble Polish roots, who changed much of the face of the Catholic Church. However, I think I will tape the next papacy funeral rather than try and watch it in the middle of the night.


I am me. I am a third culture kid. As much as I have heard that phrase tossed about, until I read Pollack and Van Reken's book Third Culture Kid, I believed it was a phrase that was reserved for children growing up internationally. My experience of 2 1/2 years in Great Britain could not be considered a lifetime. However, I am learning while their are degrees of of so many part of life, the challenges may be less, but the disconnect, the relational challenges, the missed pop culture, they are all there. I remember the looks upon asking who John Bon Jovi was. Having been a military brat, the very culture we lived in required a high mobility subsistence. In a hi today, bye tommorrow culture you made friends quickly, but never went deep into friendship. The authors frequently quote from Military Brats by Mary Edwards Wertsch. Every line of their referencing strike a chord on a deep level. If you have ever lived internationally as a child, read the book. It validates the difference which are both strengths and challenges.

Monday, March 21, 2005


“He imagined the sun.” God in his infinite creativity imagined the gases, the form, and function of the sun and spoke it into existence. He created an earth on an elliptical orbit and set it at a tilt as it orbited the huge ball of gas setting it a spin, in order that we might have day and night, winter and summer, fall and spring.

All my creations come from my schema of my experience, knowledge, and are in actuality a conglomeration of things I already know. Said is there is nothing new under the sun. How interesting that once again it is the sun in its overwhelming power and size to which we refer. To imagine means to “form a mental image of something that is not present or that is not the case." Yet, I am beginning to understand that my imaginings will never succeed in grasping the truth of God’s imaginings and subsequent creation. To create has multiple meanings: to make or cause to be or to become, to bring into existence, and as we often limit it, to create by artistic means. Before God created, there was nothing but God. The only way I can create is to use what is around me, which are the very items God created from nothingness.

I realize nothing is new in the knowledge of what is above, but the awareness I have of God’s power and the fullness I feel of his presence is very new. It is unlike anything I can recall feeling. The immensity of God’s love for me is overwhelming. Yet here I have been living, as if Christian living is a chore. Making practices of community something of a checklist. I can see my mental list now. Ask for help, check. Listen to friends, check. Give your problems to Christ, check. This is not how we are to go about living at all. In fact the very term practices, has been misleading, or at least misused. It is not a new item for my checklist; rather practices are life style changes that I can begin as I try to live more like Christ.

I desire with everything to live in community. To refer to an earlier image, I desire that my stick be bundled rather than left alone fragile and at the mercy of this world around me. However, I have not focused on Love. I have focused on activity. I desire to accept the transformation God wants to be in my life.

Concerning the new feeling inside that is a fullness, a wholeness, a contentment that I cannot remember having before, the word Shalom is constantly echoing in my head. I am not “shaloming” enough. The extension of peace from me has not been whole-hearted. It is time for my life to be an extension of the love of Christ. The experience of allowing others to shalom me is stilted. In fact, I have been going about accepting help all wrong. I have been looking at help from fellow Christians as a willing inconvenience. This is that they help me out of an obligation or pity. I had it all wrong. The outpouring of shalom within community is a step towards a society such as Augustine’s City of God. The presence of Shalom is what defines a healthy growing Christ-centered community.

My newfound joy is filling every nook of my life. People keep asking why I am smiling. I feel a deeper desire to listen to hurting hearts. I cannot keep Christ quiet; rather I want to shout to everyone about the love, the power, the joy, and the truth of God’s presence in my life. I look around to see whom I can tell about me and them being wholly and dearly loved by the all-powerful creator of the universe.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Some questions need not be asked.

So this guy comes by and looks into my room, sees that I am the only one here, and still says, " So, your roommate is not here?" My first inclination was to say actually she's hiding behind the door, but I smiled politely and confirmed that she was indeed not home.

Wednesday, March 2, 2005

Christology as I best understand it.

Okay so after getting the comment, concise and comprehensive, I felt great about my most recent theology assignment. Which I have pasted below.

Christological Doctrine:
Christ is completely divine and completely human. Only God is able to accomplish this paradoxical duality. He has always been and always will be. Within the Godhead, Christ is the son, one third. He is equal in essence to Father and Spirit. Christ is the first born over all creation and therefore is sovereign over the universe. He was with the Father and the Spirit in the beginning as the word by and for which all things were created.
Taking on a functionally submissive role, He humbled himself, taking on human form. Indeed, he then allowed that his own knowledge and ability would be limited by his human body living. In addition, that he would dwell only within the Father’s will and power. He came to earth on a mission to redeem humanity from our morally corrupt existence where we could not rise above the law and live reconciled with God. He provided atonement by living a perfect life and then dying on the cross in a moment of separation from God the Father as he accepted the sins of the entire human race. He conquered death that we might have life eternal. In this Christ is the only way to reconcile our sinful selves with a perfect God.
Christ is the head of the church, which is the body of Christ. As our savoir He rightfully reigns in sovereignty over the church which is both his bride and his fellow children of God the Father. Now in heaven, he is preparing a place to receive his bride, the church and acts as an intercessor for us to the Father. We, who believe in Christ as our Savoir, will be called up to heaven at the appointed time to dwell eternally in the presence of God.
Selected Verses: Mark 15:33-34; Luke 1:30-33, 19:9, 24:1-7; John 1:1-14, 5:19-20, 14:3-13; Romans 5:8, 8:1-4, 8:34; 2 Corinthians 5:21; Colossians 1:15-20, 2:9; 1 John 4:7-11

Friday, February 25, 2005

"Words, words; they're all we have to go on"

I love words. Language play intrigues me. That probably explains a lot about me. This week as I was reading various internet sites I found a quote from Stanley Fish that I had to save. It left an impression. I have a quote collection that ranges from Six Pence None the Richer lyrics to Heidegger and so much in between. So, of course I added Stanley to my list. And here is what Mr. Fish said.

"Words are not just the cosmetic clothing of some underlying integrity; they are the operational vehicles of that integrity, the visible manifestation of the character to which others respond."

So, makes you think, yes? Some say actions speak louder than words and I don't disagree, however, words still speak rather loud themselves. If you listen to someone talk, you can find out quite a bit out about their character. People's words often reveal truths they have no idea they are sharing. Think about that next time you meet new people. What are their words telling you, or even more frightening, what are your words telling them?

Ah, the power of the word.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Apologies Accepted

Have you ever noticed how much easier they are to accept than offer? Sometimes if I would just not open my mouth I could save myself a great deal of anguish. Sometimes if I would think and then speak rather than saying the first thing that jumps into my mind I would reduce my problems. And, sometimes I just need to be less mean. The other day I had to apologize for neglecting a good friend. I began to realize since the semester had started it had been me taking and not giving at all. Then I had to apologize for my sardonic attitude to another person. I don't mean to be hurtful, I just don't always think through to the consequences of my words. Then I had to apologize to a co-worker for rudeness. It wasn't so much that I was trying to be rude, but my tone and attitude certainly were not displaying positive vibes.
Granted all three persons accepted my apologies. However, I think I will seriously try and curb my sardonic approach to life. It is definitely not making my life simple, nor is it necessary for having fun.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Idiots in all forms

1. So I saw "Waiting for Godot" by Beckett on Friday, and wished I 'd saved my money. Why must people try and add so much to Beckett. He is minimalists and of the absurd genre. It's not supposed to be slap-stick, it's not supposed to have an easy to follow traditional plot. If you want that kind of a play don't do Beckett. Do "Oklahoma" or "Our Town." Just please don't destroy Beckett. As Napoleon Dynamite would say "Idiot"

2. People who insist on being wrong crack me up. Okay actually they frustrate me. A lady came into work today to pick up an order she had placed yesterday. We had no record of her order and tried to ask if maybe she had the wrong location. Oh no, she was sure she had the right store. We went ahead and began to prepare her order which was now already 20 minutes late while she continued to torture us with her condescension and verbally abused both our manager and the employee who helped carry out the order to her car, which by the way is an extra step we don't normally do. She was so sure she had the right store, and complained even after she was in her car. So, after she left we finally got ahold of another location and yes she was at the wrong store. In fact the other store was a bit upset, and rightly so, that the order they put together would now go to waste. As Napoleon Dynamite would say, "Idiot"

Sunday, February 6, 2005

Beckett and an evening on the town

Do Lobsters Dream?

If you have not seen The Bald Soprano, you have truely missed an awesome play. I laughed so hard, I nearly cried, and yet it was absurd, as Ionesco is. It was followed by Beckett, a true master of the word, and I have to admit, I now like more than Sartre. Sure I do enjoy a Dancing at Lughnasa or Fantastiks, but theatre of the Absurd will always win out when given a choice. Combine that with an evening of searching used book stores for gems, and I am indeed a happy person. This is me, still happy 24 hours later. After was is currently the best evening of 2005.

"If you take a circle, and you caress it, it will become viscious"- Mr. Smith in The Bald Soprano.

Thursday, February 3, 2005

Do Lobsters Dream?

Do Lobsters Dream?

Light shed on Lobsters...
Barbara Kingsolver, one of the authors I forced to read in college, and actually enjoyed has a book called Animal Dreams. It is one of the best contemporary novels I've read. Yes that would be a subjective statement, but then I've yet to find an objective blog. Back to Kingsolver...
In her book " All mammals that have been tested to have REM sleep, except spiny Anteaters." Poor anteaters. Were they dreamless that night, or do they really have no dreams, but I digress. After the ensuing discussion in the text, the other character says, "If you want sweet dreams, you have to live a sweet life." Ah to have a life worth dreaming about, now that is indeed a life worth living.
As for my lobster, well no dreams. At least I don't think so. However according to Phoebe on Friends, they do mate for life. Ergo, I am looking for my lobster, and not the red stuffed one my friend jokes with me about.
So there you have it, insight into my Blog's title, and there you are.
Until next time the blogging mood strikes.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Latin Et Al

I love language. I'm currently learning Latin in my spare time. It's more rewarding than random TV shows and more fun than my Theology text. Learning Latin is an unusual thing for the average 20 something master's student to do in their spare time. I admit this, and yet I choose to spend my spare time engulfed in Latin declensions and verb tenses. Once started, it has become a joy to peruse the Latin Vulgate and actually understand bits and pieces of the text. Indeed, I've never wanted to be normal. Nevertheless, I find myself explaining time again why Latin, so for all those who have yet to ask, but are dying to know. I first have to ask you why do your hobbies? Right, because you like them. Me too. Oh, and my English vocabulary is improved. Carpe Diem.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Cell Phones

So, these modern conviences we call cell phones are quite handy. But at times I find them quite annoying. I wouldn't give mine up, but I do wish there was some sort of ettiquette rules followed. Seriously there are great times to use a cell, but not every time is a great time.

Great times to use them.
1. When I need a friend to rescue me
2.When I have question that can't wait til I see the person again
3. To use Free Long distance or Family Plan minutes
4. When you are alone

Not so Great times to use them
1. While ordering coffee
2. While eating dinner with fother people
3. When it's your turn in a line
4. In the middle of a movie, or concert

Monday, January 17, 2005


The Sky is grey this morning. Even more so, the air is grey. Even the trees look a bit grey. I love the foggy mornings, where the world is hidden from my view. No highway, no large condominuims, no clutter, just trees and greyness. It seems quieter on these mornings. As I sip my morning coffee, I am thankful for foggy days and hidden highways.